Getting It Wrong

Thought it would seem clearer by now.

Apr 13, 2026

Thought I’d be better at this by now,
but it still burns hot —
still can’t stop it from leaving my mouth,
not sure if you feel it or not.

Thought I would conquer
like everything you’d never be.
The right path, the answer to loneliness
remains forever a mystery.

It’s your life just turned inside out,
same steps, same actions taken,
just wrapped in lingering doubt.

We revisit,
get lost in the music that saved us once,
wonder why they didn’t make it through,
didn’t think it would still hurt so much,
and what the hell else were we supposed to do?

There were days we wanted to rush past,
but the empty parts meant something.
When we finally got there,
we almost start to laugh —
watching how the pain outshined,
was the one thing we couldn’t outlast.

The crickets who’s chirps snuck in
through the open crack of the window,
my imagination caught on the tail of a summer breeze,
wondering who might be waiting in the shadows,
seeing me sleep, stuck in vulnerability.

Wasted all those nights trapped in fear,
couldn’t see the love hidden simple in nature,
the answer in the trees,
the lack of understanding reaching everywhere.

Those crickets,
that scary still darkness pales in comparison
to angry shouts, bad intentions
the violence I conjured,
the pain searching for an outlet.

Thought it would seem clearer by now,
because I cut the strings that kept me in your darkness,
though these things linger
I’m caught,
still entangled somehow.

Thought it would be easier to be gone,
fade into the chaos,
I’d never need you,
I’d never even reach for you,
you’d feel sorry and it wouldn’t take long.

Memories start to lose their bearings
when you consider manipulation,
each new day revealing a piece I never saw.

Within the essence of me,
the reasons for everything don’t add up,
confusion burrows deep,
delusion starts to gnaw.