Try Again ~ Chapter Three ~
Chapter Three: Will It Be Worth It?
Chapter Three
Will It Be Worth It?
“Delia, sweetie. I think this has gone on long enough.” Mae sat at the edge of the white iron patio chair. Delia wouldn’t look at her.
“You don’t understand.”
“I do. I promise I do. I just hate to see you stuck in the past like this. You seem miserable.”
“I’d be miserable either way. At least this gives me something to care about, to focus on.” Delia was ready to cry again. A thought began to slip by her of how maybe Mae was right, but she watched it implode. “And I won’t be stuck in the past anymore, you know, if I do it right. It will all be in the present. It will be real.”
“But Delia, no one has ever gotten it right. I don’t even believe it’s possible anymore, I really don’t.”
“I’m going to get it right.” Delia’s voice was only a whisper.
“Will it be worth it?” Mae worried for her friend as they expressed everything unsaid in their stares towards one another.
Silence developed and flourished between their bodies. The city creaked and the delicate garden noises melted into the horns and rumbling engines. Birds competed for air space.
“Well, which memory are you working on?” Mae leaned in close to her friend. Delia’s eyes began to sparkle.
“New Year’s Eve. The one before we broke up.” Delia nodded.
“I think that’ll work.” Mae winked. “Want to rehearse it with me?”
"Definitely.”
“Okay, let’s hear it.” Mae smiled to her. They held hands and Delia relaxed her shoulders. The imagery came flooding back to her.
Santi’s bedroom door was closed then locked with a hook and eye latch. Music mixed with other party noises tried sneaking their way in from the edges surrounding the door where light leaked through. Santi wasn’t interested in the New Year’s Eve party his family was having.
He turned around to face Delia and let himself burrow into her arms. She held him like she couldn’t have loved anyone more. The bedroom was shadowy and lacking excitement, but Santi wanted it that way.
Delia’s curiosity for the party outside was only growing stronger. She tried encouraging Santi to go out there with her, but he remained firm.
“They’re so loud. It’s killing me.” Santi spoke into Delia’s sweater.
“It’s okay.” She ran her fingers through his straight black hair. She focused her hearing in on bursts of laughter, singing, and shouts coming from beyond the bedroom door.
She imagined a different version of herself joining the festive scene. A version of herself fluent in Spanish, loud and precise. A smile everyone understood and eyes that validated earnestly.
Santi reached for Delia’s lips and they swam in the warmth momentarily. The bedroom door began rattling as someone banged against it.
“Go away, Wilmer!” Santi had already pleaded with his little brother to stay away.
“I need something!” Wilmer shouted through the tiny opening that the latch allowed.
Santi left the bed groaning and let Wilmer inside. Delia watched the party scene slightly unfold behind him before the door was swiftly closed once more.
“Rapido!” Santi spoke sternly eyeing his brother. He stood by the door and latched it the second Wilmer passed through.
Back in bed, Delia searched for answers in Santi’s eyes. They were distant and sullen. He seemed to have so much to say, but no words proper enough to articulate himself.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t see you at Christmas.” Santi gripped Delia’s waist.
“It’s okay.” Delia hadn’t heard from him for a while, but now knew that Santi had been whisked away to New York City to celebrate with relatives. His cell phone, which never had enough minutes anyway, had gotten lost during the trip.
Delia didn’t mention the panic she experienced within herself as she waited for Santi’s call over most of winter break. She fell into a darkness that cast her own family gathering in ghostly light. Santi was her boyfriend, but also her only real friend, and there was no one else she felt safe confiding in.
When Santi played with her heart, she suffered in silence and awaited his apologetic return to her. That was their pattern and general foundation. When he withheld his love, she would become completely swallowed up in fiery desperation.
Santi’s warmth calmed her anxious thoughts and she held on tight as her phone vibrated beside her.
“I want to stay with you all night.” Delia’s eyes watered. Santi looked to her phone.
“Me too.” his smile grew and consumed her. It felt like a spell cast upon her to reach for him infinitely. He wrapped his arms around her as they stood by the locked door. The party pulsed and radiated through the seams.
Delia waited for him to unlock the door as she couldn’t bring herself to do it. They walked hand in hand past his family and Delia gave them all a general wave as she made it to the front door.
Monster and Fluffy, his two shih tzus, circled her legs and licked her calves. She knelt down to kiss them goodbye. The party noises filled in her empty parts and warmed her skin.
“Bye.” Delia hugged Santi again as he shied away from one last kiss. He always felt too embarrassed to kiss her in front of his younger family members. She stepped out onto the front porch instantly being wrapped in icy air. She took a slow breath as she caught sight of her mother’s SUV and let go of any last strands of warmth as she lost grip with Santi’s hand.
What's Broken Becomes Better
Out in the yard, Jack can almost see where the ocean begins. Soft green grass rolls out far past the wooden fence he built last year and once the land drops over a lumpy hill, wildflowers and thousands of stinging nettles sparkle under moonlight.
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4 o’clock finally arrived and after needing three separate breaks, Ruth was cleared to head home. She felt like the world was slipping away from her and crumbling into an abyss. She started to reverse her truck while squinting.
“Hey!” Tim rushed over to her. “Can I catch a ride today?”